Thank you all for coming. We are all here because we all have something in common.
We've all been conned by these people.
But now it's time for them to have a taste of their own medicine.
Michael Stone AKA Mickey Bricks.
He's the ringleader.
Ash Morgan, known to his cohorts as Three Socks.
He's the fixer, deals with the nuts and bolts of creating a world
that mugs like us buy into.
Albert Stroller.
Recently out of prison. Known as the roper.
He finds the marks, again people like us, for the gang to cheat.
Emma Kennedy, femme fatale.
Works with Stone. Can be his assistant, girlfriend, business partner.
And finally, Sean Kennedy, glorified gofer.
Stone's taken him under his wing and is training him up.
These arses took me for half a million quid.
Now, where is my bloody painting?
- Half a million quid. - Hm.
- It's easy to see why you'd be pissed off. - Yeah.
- What was yours? - 90K.
A racehorse.
That one was an Arab sheikh.
You think you guys have got problems. Stone sold me the Sydney Opera House.
He supposedly represented the Olympic Committee.
Sold me four acres of swampland in Kent.
Well, starting tomorrow,
let's see if they can take it
as well as dish it out.
Ha, ha. Ha, ha.
Now, I don't know about the rest of you,
but no one, and I mean no one,
steals money from me and gets away with it.
No one.
It's taken us months to track them down and research how they operate...
but now...
now it's time to turn the tables.
- (Emma laughs) - You know, I've been thinking.
- We should go on holiday. - Yeah.
- Mexico. - No, too hot. What about Margate?
A couple of good trips to Las Vegas.
- (All) No, Albert. - Er, can I say something?
- Yeah. - Only every time you lot go on holiday,
- you never take me with you. - True.
I mean, you use me in your con things when it suits you, but you never pay me,
then you all go off on holiday and I'm lucky if I get a postcard.
- I think he's got a point. - Yeah. Yes, it's only right, I suppose.
Eddie, you shall go to the ball. Right, Mick?
What? Er... Yes, OK.
(Laughs) Well, funny you should say that cos I've been thinking about going away
and picked up a few brochures.
(Laughs)
Hey?
Right. Let's get started, shall we? Harry?
"The Convincer" is a method they use to remove any last vestige of doubt.
So, for example, if the con or "score"
is about asking you to invest £100,000 in worthless shares,
they would invite you to take part in a much smaller deal first.
- You would make a profit on that deal. - Like a loss leader?
Precisely.
This convincer convinces you that a larger investment would work equally well.
Crafty bastards.
So, how do we take them?
I really feel like I'm starting to get this, Mick.
(Mickey) Good.
I mean, it's complicated but everything's kind of falling into place.
Your roper finds your mark...
Yeah. And how does he know where to look?
Well, because Albert is a member of every gentleman's club in London
- under different names. - And?
He's also in touch with the concierge of all the major hotels
and they let him know when the high rollers are in town.
And occasionally some just fall into my lap.
Credit crunch.
My rear end.
I mean, if the great unwashed are stupid enough to lose their houses,
well, it's hardly the fault of the state, yah?
It's simply survival of the fittest. I mean, it's sorting the wheat from the chaff.
Because they never got off their fat arses to earn the money to pay for it.
- It's with you, Alfie. - Hm?
- Your bet. - Oh, right. Yeah.
Erm...
All right.
Raise.
Let's make it two thou.
I honestly believe we should have some sort
of compulsory euthanasia programme.
Start with the unemployed, those on benefits and the like,
and then move on to the over 65s. (Laughs)
- Who is it? - I believe it's me.
Oh.
Sorry. Foot in mouth.
No offence intended.
None taken.
Re-raise.
All in.
Steady on with the old pension, pops.
Don't you have heating bills or something to consider?
All right, pops.
I call.
Couple of fillies.
- Beats me. - Now, that is what I'm talking about.
Survival of the fittest. Never mind, eh, pops. Maybe next time.
You can count on it.
OK, so you've identified your mark.
Then the roper leads him to the inside man.
Thank you. And the inside man tells him the tale, he sets up the con.
The first step is to create the world, lay the bait and draw them in.
Breakfast up. What do you think?
He's coming along nicely, yeah.
So, you've laid the bait.
That's when the fixer makes sure wherever the mark looks, our story holds up.
In other words, I'm a genius whose job it is to make you Flash Harrys look good.
- Ash is prone to exaggeration. - Hark who's talking.
So, everything's gone to plan, the mark's on the hook.
And that is when you hit 'em with the convincer.
Roper gets the mark.
Inside man tells the tale,
fixer confirms the tale.
The convincer is given,
then the sting itself.
The convincer is the weakest point.
This is the only point they are in a negative position.
So, that's what we do.
We take them just far enough into the con to get the convincer.
Then we just walk away.
Well, as you seem to have everything worked out, what do you need us for?
Good question.
Because I need bait.
These bastards tried to put me out of business.
And as I want to take them for a million quid, double what they took from me,
we need to make them believe that there's a greater stake to be had.
I estimate a prize of about four million should have the desired effect.
Now, I've raised a million, so for this to work I need the same again from each of you.
A million quid. Jesus.
Wait.
How do we know that this isn't some elaborate plan to con us all again?
(Carlton) Ah.
That's a fair point. Harry.
Quite simply because we're not actually going to use it.
What?
All we need is bait for them to believe we have the four million.
So the plan is to put everyone's money into a single account.
An account that needs four signatures to access.
All we have to do is let them see that account.
And that's what draws them in.
Your money will never leave the bank.
We'll use the million I've raised,
they'll double it hoping to get their hands on the rest.
But then we just walk away.
Simple but...
genius.
Genius.
- Our money won't leave the bank? - 100% guaranteed.
Once I've recouped my million plus the half mil they stole from us...
then you divide the rest between yourselves.
Sounds good to me. I'm in.
Me too.
Hell, why not? Uh, but I do have one condition.
Yeah?
See, I brought a couple of guys over with me to find these arseholes.
So does anyone have any objection to them
beating the crap out of them once we've got our money?
No, I don't see there being a problem with that at all.
Nice one.
Aren't we missing something here? They clearly know every one of us.
So how on earth are we going to get close enough to set this up?
We can't.
But fortunately we don't have to.
This is Alfie.
Alfie is an old school friend of mine.
We've put him into one of Albert Stroller's regular card games.
He's also dropped into conversation that he's recently had a massive windfall.
So I will stake my life that Stone and his crew
are now trying to work out how to take it from him.
OK, Albert. What's the story?
Alfred Thomas Baron. Alfie to his friends.
He's the eldest son of the Duke and Duchess of Derbyshire,
and he can trace his ancestry back to Henry Vlll.
- Where's he been all my life? - Gambling mostly.
Sleeping with a succession of models and some rather dodgy business ventures.
Fancies himself a player in the City.
I spent an evening with him last week and he's not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
- No, he's an upper-class twit. - And he's loaded.
Yes, he came into a chunk of his inheritance on his recent 30th birthday.
And he's looking for someplace to invest.
In what?
He's not sure.
- So he's rich and stupid. - Which makes him...
The perfect mark.
(Alfie laughs)
OK, let's reel him in. Albert, where do we find him?
Fortunately, he recommended his favourite watering hole.
Alfred? James Thornton. We met the other evening.
- The poker game. - So we did.
You hit me with two queens on the last hand.
Ah, well, one man's loss is another man's lunch.
Yes. Perhaps we could do it again sometime.
Always up for a game of cards. Just tell me when and where.
How about tonight at 9pm? You're free?
- Stakes? - 5,000 to sit down.
How much if I stand?
- (They laugh) - I'm... l'm just joshing. Count me in.
Same venue as last time. Ask for me at the desk.
- I'll be there. - I look forward to it.
Hey, how about Brazil? See, you got football, you got beaches.
- That one. - (Sean) That one has bad cable.
OK, Albert, thanks. That's great.
That was Albert. The card game is on for tonight.
All right. I'll set it up.
Oh, and I'll need you to play the inside with me. The City banker.
- Yeah, can I make a suggestion? - Yeah, of course.
I've been thinking, the kid's coming on leaps and bounds, right?
- Yes, he is. - Well, maybe it's time you gave him a shot.
You know, let him play the inside.
- I'd feel much safer having you next to me. - Oh, come on, Mick.
- Since when have you ever played safe? - Mm.
Look, he's ready. I'd stake me life on it.
- Is it that important to you? - He's a good kid, you know.
If you ask me, he's earned it.
Abso-bloody amazing. It happened just like you said it would.
He just bowled up and invited me to the game.
Of course he bloody did.
Thanks. I have to say, though, I'm not entirely sure what's going on.
Oh, you don't need to. You just do what I say, when I say. Just like at school.
Received and understood.
Could do with a bit of a sub, though, CW.
- A sub? - Yeah, things are a bit tight at the mo.
I have asked Ma and Pa, but they're preoccupied with the house.
Falling down about their ears, apparently. They're thinking of buying lions.
You know, the old safari jobbie.
Bit of game in the grounds, then watch the plebs drive around with their little brats.
- Trouble is... Mummy's allergic to them. - Your mother is allergic to lions?
No, plebs.
Ah.
Anyhow, I've got a new filly in tow. Absolute corker.
Promised her a slap-up meal. Only...
You're unbelievable.
(Sighs)
Here's 500 on account.
Marvellous. I'll take her out to dinner, bound to loosen the old panties.
Alfie, you need to be at the card game by nine.
Oh, absolutely. It's an after-theatre jobbie. Table is at 11.
Forget your sex life. Do you know what to do at the card game?
Let the dog see the rabbit.
Good. Just make sure they see that bank statement.
Gotcha.
This is your stake money. They'll let you win, so I want it back.
Understood. (Sighs)
Toodle-pip.
So, how are we playing this?
Mickey wants you to work the inside, play the city trader.
You're kidding me? I thought you were doing that.
No, Mickey thinks you're ready to step up. So we swap roles.
I'll be the associate strapped for cash. You feel up to it?
Well, I've never taken money off a mark before.
Well, we wouldn't ask if we didn't think you could do it.
- Mickey thinks I'm, er... l'm ready, yeah? - Yeah.
So that's settled. Just like we went through.
You are Justin Tyler, investment and finance.
You deal with another trader who buys dirty money from overseas,
then you use your investment company to put it into the system and launder it.
Got it. And the game?
Oh, take Alfie round the houses,
let him lose a bit, then let him win and leave him in front.
Then tell him the tale, set up a meeting for tomorrow.
- Where? - I'll find somewhere in the morning.
- Ooh, heads up. - OK.
- (Albert) Well, welcome, you made it. - Wouldn't have missed it for the world.
(Laughs) This is Garry Penning.
- Justin Tyler. - Nice to meet you.
- Hello. - Hi.
Justin, hello.
Listen.
Chaps, I... I only have a couple of hours. Got a filly on the starting blocks. Redhead.
- I've heard they're very hot-blooded. - Yes, I'm sure they are.
As we don't have much time, let's play some cards.
Jolly good.
Do you think they've started yet?
Don't worry, Sean will be fine.
I hope so. (Sighs)
Oh, come on. What's the worst that can happen?
It's all right for you, you've done it thousands of times before.
Not everybody finds it so effortless.
Looks like it's going to be my night.
Again.
(Albert) Yes, Alfie.
It seems that way.
Must be my lucky pants.
This is going to be easier than I thought.
(Ash) So, how did the deal go, Justin?
(Carlton chuckling)
- (Sean) Good. - Here we go.
(Sean) Better than I expected.
I wish I was in there. Trouble is, all my bloody cash is tied up.
Maybe next time.
Well, I've got a little nest egg stashed away, but I have to give 30 days' notice.
- I could go next month. - Pity.
Joe called me last night. He's got a fresh batch arriving this week.
(Ash) Bugger.
Er, raise, 350.
Call.
- Call. - I'll fold.
Let me know when you're ready. Minimum 100K, though, yeah?
(Ash) What's the max? (Sean) That's the thing. There isn't one.
I put in half a mil this time.
Almost doubled up. I'll probably plough it all back in.
Bloody hell. Er, check.
Check.
All right.
Raise. Thou.
(Ash) No, too strong for me. (Sean) Me too.
Come on, Alfie. Ask them about the deal.
So, this deal... What is it exactly?
- Good boy. - (Sean) Cash.
Oh, yeah? Tell me more.
One of the things that happens in a recession
is certain people start bringing out money
that's been hidden away.
That money needs to be...
legitimised.
Money laundering.
- You said that, not me. - Ah.
I've got a contact.
He sources the cash and I use my investment portfolio
to filter it back into the system without attracting attention.
Gotcha.
Actually, I'm not 100%. Could you run that by me again?
(Sean) I buy dirty money for 50p in the pound.
It's then cleaned through the accounts and I basically get back double.
Is that legal?
- (Scoffs) Is he winding me up? - (Ash) Well, it's...
It's not strictly legal, no. But there are no victims.
The only person to lose out is the taxman.
And who cares about him, eh?
- (They laugh) - Oh, yeah.
Sounds like a bloody good scam.
It is. It is a bloody good scam.
(Sean) Your deal.
Have you ever been married?
Yes, once.
And?
And, er...
Now I'm not.
- Touchy subject? - No, no.
No, erm, she cheated on me.
Sorry.
- So, you split up? - Yeah, had to, really.
Er...
I beat the guy half to death with a baseball bat
and got sent to prison for three years.
You beat someone with a baseball bat?
- Why so surprised? - Erm, because it's quite out of character.
What, did you expect me to con him to death?
No!
No, it's just, erm...
Clearly a whole new side to you that I didn't...
know.
The Neanderthal side.
Yeah, yeah. I keep it well hidden.
Maybe you shouldn't.
Some women like that kind of thing.
Is that so?
Apparently.
What about you?
No serious relationships?
I had three dates with the same guy once.
- Three? - He was quite sweet, actually.
- So, why no fourth date? - He told me he loved me.
(Chokes) And that's a bad thing?
Well, he took me for dinner twice
and then he took me to the movies to see Spider-Man 3.
So I think the whole "I love you" thing was just a little bit premature, don't you think?
- And you don't believe in love at first sight? - Absolutely not.
Oh, my lady, you have no romance in your soul.
No.
But I haven't felt the need to hit someone with a baseball bat either.
Hmm.
To tell the truth, I'm starting to think
I may not be cut out for the whole business thing.
Horses for courses and all that.
Well, with this you don't need to be.
Hm. Even so.
No, you're right.
You should never invest in a business deal unless you're sure it's the right deal for you.
- Couldn't have put it better myself. - Besides, it's, er...
probably a bit rich for you anyway.
Oh, no, no, it's not the money. I've got shedloads of that.
The old inheritance just kicked in.
(Laughs)
(Albert) Alfie is the son of a duke.
(Carlton) Yes, he is. (Sean) Must be a few grand, then?
(Alfie laughs) Hardly.
Yeah, I... I wasn't sure of the full amount, you know,
clauses and all that but, then, erm, I got a statement this morning.
I'm not one to boast but, er...
slightly more than a few thou.
Bloody hell.
(Clears throat)
Four mil.
Good, good.
(Ash) Very nice.
(Alfie) Add to that to my winnings from tonight, of course.
Yes. Well, we haven't finished yet, have we?
- That sounds like fighting talk. - It is.
Raise three grand.
(Albert) Well, Garry, what would you do with four million?
(Ash) Erm... l'd spend half of it on women, booze and casinos.
And...
I'd waste the rest.
(All laugh)
Bloody good, man after my own heart.
- And Justin? - Oh, I'd...
I'd buy four million pounds worth of dirty cash from my guy,
turn it into eight.
That way I'd have twice as many women and booze as Garry over there.
(Alfie) Excellent, excellent. (Ash) What about you, James?
Well, I guess I'd be tempted to go along with Justin's plan,
but one of the advantages of age is it teaches you caution.
So I'd invest some of your inheritance
in your cash scam,
see what happens,
and if it worked, I'd invest the rest.
Sounds like a bloody good idea.
Dip the old toe in the water jobbie.
Indeed.
Eight mil does have a better ring to it than four.
- (Ash) Yes, that's very true, it does. - Ain't that the truth?
(Alfie) You know, Justin, this deal sounds interesting.
I think I might come and meet this chap of yours.
(Sighs)
I'm sure I can sort something out.
Cheers.
They've gone for it.
They've bloody gone for it!
Yes! Oh, we've got them, we have so got them.
Hook, line and bloody sinker.
They are finished!
So... would you ever get married again?
(Laughs) No.
Why not?
Because I think that women choose their men a little like they choose their clothes.
They'll buy a dress even though it isn't exactly what they want or doesn't quite fit,
thinking they'll fix it when they get it home.
I think that's why a lot of women like bad boys.
They see them as exciting raw material.
So from that I take it your wife didn't like who you were.
No, she didn't like what I did.
- She wasn't a grifter? - No.
Well, maybe next time you should marry someone in the same line of business.
Is that a proposal?
- (Laughs) - You wish.
I think I'd have far more trouble with you than I did with my ex-wife.
Almost certainly.
Joining this crew is the best thing that's happened to me and Sean.
I don't think I've ever thanked you properly.
Actually, I think, erm... I think I should thank you too.
- Why? - For knocking me back.
What?
On our first score together when I asked you out to dinner...
- Oh. - Yeah.
I think you were right.
It would have made things complicated.
It wasn't you personally.
It's just men in general.
But me in particular.
No.
It was just a bit quick. We had only just met.
So it was just timing?
I don't know. Maybe.
How does a man with my limited knowledge of the female psyche...
know when the timing is right?
He doesn't.
He just has to roll the dice and see what happens.
- (Door opens) - Sean played a blinder.
- His Lordship went for it. - Great, that's great.
Yeah.
I thought we'd be waiting for you all night.
Yeah, me too.
Mm.
So, phase one complete.
Their arses are mine.
Their arses are ours.
Yes, of course. Sorry. Ours.
- This is going to work, isn't it? - Absolutely.
Can't fail. Especially now they've seen that account,
they won't be able to resist.
But if their formula has a weakness, then so must ours.
Well, it hasn't.
These people humiliated me once.
Do you really think I would leave anything to chance?
Sean, Ash was just saying you did really well.
- Yeah. Well, he's taught me a lot. - So it seems.
I told him I'd set the meeting up for tomorrow.
Tomorrow, yeah. Perfect.
Tell you the truth, it was... it was a little bit easier than I thought.
Maybe I'm a natural.
Maybe we should see how tomorrow goes first, shall we?
Oh, Alfie! Well done!
Yeah, I thought I played it rather well myself.
(Carlton laughs)
- And I'm three grand up. - No, actually, I'm three grand up.
Yeah, so much for "to the victor the spoils".
- Mm-hm. - Seriously, though, CW,
it's actually rather a good deal, it might be worth a punt.
What? No, you arse, it's...
Never mind.
What time are you meeting him?
Er, Justin said he'd set it up and tell me first thing.
And this first deal is for a million?
- Just like CW said. - What did I tell you?
- So, we're on? - Yes, we are.
OK. Alfie, let's run through tomorrow. Sit down.
Forget about your bit of fluff. Sit down!
- Right. Tomorrow, step by step. - Marvellous.
OK. They're going to offer you a deal for a million pounds.
- Gotcha. - Tell them that if it goes well,
but only if it goes well, will you invest the whole four mil.
Wouldn't it be easier to invest the whole four mil straightaway?
No.
Why not?
Two reasons for that, Alfie. (Clears throat)
Firstly, we'd never see them again.
Secondly, it's not your bloody money!
Gotcha.
- Where's Kuala Lumpur? - Malaysia.
- So... - Is it hot?
Not as hot as it is over here.
We've been waiting for our drinks for half an hour.
Well...
So, we're good to go?
I think so.
You do realise that if we double this guy up, a million will clean us out.
It's every penny we've got. If anything goes wrong...
Yeah, I know, I know.
- Well, just as long as we're sure. - I am.
- So we go? - We go.
Morning. We need to see someone from accounts, please.
- Can I help? - And you are?
- I'm the head of accounting. - Good.
Joe Winter, Customs and Excise. This is Justin Tyler. Your name, please?
- Stephen Glencross. - Stephen Glencross.
And you were the signatory on the last VAT return to be submitted from this address?
Yes. Is there a problem?
I'll let you know. You may have submitted an incorrect return
which might mean an additional amount to pay.
Er, we'll need an office and access to your purchase invoices for the last three months.
It's not really a very good time.
Do you understand the nature of a spot check, Mr Glencross?
The clue is in the title.
The issues we have can be cleared up in an hour or so,
but if I have to come back, it will be for a full investigation.
(Sean) Hmm.
Follow me.
It's er... it's all a bit frantic here at the moment, busy time of the year.
So, I'll squeeze you into my office if that's all right.
Here we are.
- Thanks. - Good.
I'll... l'll have that paperwork brought in.
I'm expecting two colleagues to join us.
Please have them shown through when they arrive.
Does it really take four of you?
I've 12 officers at my disposal, Mr Glencross.
If I choose to, I will invite all of them.
- Sorry, I didn't mean... - I'm well aware of what you meant,
that as bureaucrats we are somehow wasteful with resources.
But if we were to find you had underpaid your taxes,
I think reclaiming that money and the resulting fines
would be an excellent use of resources, don't you?
Yes. Sorry, erm...
I'll bring the paperwork in.
Thank you.
OK. Mickey and Sean are in.
Yeah, that's great, Justin. We're on our way now.
Should be about two minutes. Yeah, bye.
Awfully good of you to come with me, Garry, old chap.
It's not a problem. I'm, er, getting some cash together for next month,
so Justin said I should meet this guy.
And this contact of his will definitely be there?
- Oh, yes, he will. Yeah. - Excellent. Excellent.
So, er, how was the date last night?
- Date? - Yeah, the redhead?
Oh, right, yeah. Erm...
Ate like a horse, drank a bottle of Pinot Grigio and not so much as a fumble.
- So much for hot blood, eh? - Oh, I haven't given up yet.
Thought I'd take her home, meet Ma and Pa at the weekend.
Stately homes are renowned for turning the most frigid thing into a raving nympho.
(Laughs)
Mr Glencross. Your visitors.
- Ah. - Morning.
We're here to see Justin Tyler, I think he's expecting us.
Yes, of course.
I'm sure you'll find everything is in order.
(Alfie) Yeah? Bloody good show.
Alfie, good to see you again.
- Thank you. - Of course.
Joe, this is Alfie, the guy I was telling you about.
- Pleased to meet you. - You too.
This is Garry Penning. He'll be coming in with us next month.
- Hi. - No problem.
Gentlemen, please, take a seat.
Now, I'm sure Justin has explained to you how we, er... how we do this.
Sounds marvellous.
And also impressed upon you the need for absolute discretion.
- Mum's the word. - Good.
So, when do we do this?
Well, I have a batch of dirty cash coming in this afternoon. Two million.
- I can probably take half. - Half. Good.
And the rest?
Er, well, like I said, erm, I have to wait until next time round.
Alfie?
I've got four mil to invest but I thought I'd start with a toe in the water jobbie.
- So, how much? - A mil to start with.
OK. Well, a million will get you two million back in return.
But seeing this is your first time
I won't charge you for cleaning the cash through my accounts.
That's fair, I suppose.
Looks like we take half each, then.
- Hm, good. - Erm, if all goes according to plan,
I would like to invest the full four mil next time, though. Yeah?
Agreed.
OK, gentlemen, if you will meet me at the Alderville at five o'clock,
bring the cash,
and I'll make sure I have everything else in place.
Perfect. So, when do we go again after this?
Just say the word. Look forward to doing business with you.
- Looking forward to spending my profits. - I'm sure you are.
- Bye, bye. - Bye, bye.
How's it looking?
Pretty good so far.
Well, I say that. Some might think a million a bit over the top but...
(Mickey) Everything seems to be in order.
- But... - Problem?
- No. No. - Thanks for your help.
Yeah.
So, in about an hour,
- we're gonna be a million up, right? - Mm-hm.
So isn't that a good time to cut and run?
(Laughs) Come on, where's the fun in that?
It's... You know, I don't think I'll ever understand the way your mind works.
It's not about the money, it's about the game.
So you do like playing games, then?
OK. I think I know where this is going.
Where is this going?
Cos yesterday you were gonna kiss me.
- Yes, yes, I was. - Mm-hm.
And then I realised that would be a dumb thing to do.
Cos I was such a bad kisser last time?
(Laughs) No, no. Far from it.
No, but, erm...
I, er...
- That was work. - Mm-hm.
Well, I don't think I have different kisses for work and pleasure.
Emma...
We would never work as a team if you and I were...
- Kissing for pleasure? - Exactly.
Can't argue with that.
I mean, if Ash and Albert don't find the need, then why should we?
(Laughs) That's a very good point.
I have lots of them.
Yes, you do.
Oh, no.
- What? - That look again.
- What look? - That "I'm about to kiss you" look.
I'm sorry. I was...
- Don't be. I probably had it as well. So... - Ah.
- Shall I just go back inside? - That could work.
- Yeah. - Yes. Thanks.
(Sighs)
Five minutes, Mick.
They've taken the bait. So now we do the deal.
- I'm really gonna enjoy this. - Good.
- And the money we paid into the account? - Untouched as promised.
So, as soon as they hand over the two million pounds, that's it?
Well, not quite.
I thought it might be quite good fun for us to watch them squirm for a little bit.
(Laughs) Too right.
Then I'll send my boys over to beat the crap out of them.
Excellent.
God. This feels so good.
Right. Alfie, time to go.
- Remember what I told you to do? - Absolutely.
Everything?
Give them the case, tell them I can't wait to see how it goes so I can invest the rest.
And then arrange when to pick up my profit.
And?
That since I'm investing in cash, I want my profit in cash.
Very good. Well done.
Off you go, then. And remember, straight back here after.
Gotcha.
Alfie. Case.
Yah.
(Carlton sighs)
(Mickey) You set?
Yeah.
Thanks for this, Mickey.
For what?
You know, working the inside like this.
You've done a fantastic job, but I can't take all the credit.
You working the inside...
was Ash's idea.
- Ash? - Heads up.
- Bang on time. - Didn't want to miss this.
- Good to see you. - And you.
So, Justin has his investment. Do you have yours?
- Yeah. All present and correct. - Lovely.
I hope this works. Can't wait to double up the whole four mil.
Believe me. It works.
I've made the necessary purchase, the rest is up to Justin.
It'll be processed and ready to collect... tomorrow afternoon.
OK, but listen. I want my profit in cash, yah?
- That is after all how I invested. - Of course.
- Well, Alfie, always a pleasure. - Likewise.
Gentlemen, shall we say tomorrow, 12 noon?
- Fine by me. - Perfect.
Do the business, then off with the red for the weekend.
- Oh. - (They laugh)
Great! Great.
Are we really gonna double this guy up?
- It's just like any other convincer. - Yeah, but the stakes are higher.
- It's just a question of holding your nerve. - Well, it's a big call, Mick.
But whatever you say, we'll go with it.
(Carlton) Oh, come on, Stone.
You talk the talk, now walk the bloody walk.
Do it, you spineless bastard. Where's your bollocks?
I've made the bet. Now call me. Just do it.
Do it.
- Yeah, we do it. - Do we even know where all our money is?
Well, it's, erm, sort of all over the place. We'll have to split up.
Then let's get started.
- Ash, you got a minute? - Yeah.
Mickey told me it was your idea for me to take the step up.
I never had him down for a grass.
Yeah. Well, you know, I just... I wanted to say thanks.
People haven't exactly queued up to believe in me in the past. Not me, just Emma.
Yeah, I suppose...
I suppose I just wanted to let you know I appreciate it.
Oh, stop, I'm getting misty.
Seriously.
Thank you.
It's a pleasure. Come on, let's go and get some money, yeah?
Yeah.
Thanks, Harry. No, that's great. Just make your way back here. Yeah, OK.
Right. So, they've all met up again at their bar which means...
they've raised the money.
We've got them. We have bloody well got them!
Ah, well, not until we've got their money, we haven't.
Trust me. I know how these people work. We have studied them.
There's absolutely no way
they're gonna pass up the chance of taking the four million.
They'll pay out the million-pound convincer tomorrow. I guarantee it.
Oh, I am loving this. Right! A toast!
To me, for being smarter than Michael Stone.
And to us, for taking them on at their own game.
- Cheers. - Cheers.
Never seen two million quid before. Not all in one place.
It's a thing of beauty.
- It's a lot of shoes. - It's a lot of everything.
- Can I ask something? - No, you can't take it home for the weekend.
It's just that we're a million quid up. How come we're not legging it?
What we do is an art form.
Grifting is the aristocracy of crime.
"Legging it" is not an option.
- Borneo! - Not now, Eddie.
Right. So, we're going ahead with it, then? Yeah?
Not only giving this moron his million back,
but giving him another one to go on top of it.
That's exactly what we're gonna do.
- (Eddie) Phuket? - My thoughts exactly, Ed.
I think you'll find it's pronounced Phoo-ket, actually.
All right, then. Tomorrow, noon, we'll see where the dice fall.
You got some balls, Mickey.
(Laughs) Thank you.
Still not sure I understand this whole game thing.
- Is your heart beating fast? - Yeah.
Like a train.
Then you understand better than you think.
OK. You take the case and you open it, OK?
- Right. - Check the bundles.
- Make sure they're all real. - Real?
Yes. They're all real notes.
- No cut up paper underneath or anything. - Gotcha.
If it's all there, take it out to your car and you deliver it back to the office like I told you.
Once we've got it, I want it safe.
Money to office. Understood.
Good. They're gonna want to talk to you about investing the rest of the money.
So you just stall them. Say you've got a car on the meter or something.
You take the money out to the car. If everything's OK, you give us a sign.
What kind of sign?
A sign that everything's OK. That the money's kosher and it's all in the case.
Like a thumbs-up jobbie?
Excellent. Thumbs-up jobbie would be splendid.
- Now, have you got all that? - Absolutely.
Off you go, then.
Right.
Alfie. Over here.
- Hello, chaps. - All right?
- How are you? - Yeah, good.
Well, went like a dream.
- We doubled up. - Bloody hell!
Mm. The good news is Joe's got another deal lined up. This one's a biggy.
Yeah?
If you come in for the whole four million, I can turn it into eight, maybe even ten.
Outstanding.
It might take a couple of days but everything's lined up, ready to go.
Can I take a look?
Of course.
It's all yours.
Two million pounds.
- Bloody marvellous. - Hm.
What are you doing?
- Just feeling it. - It's all there.
Don't doubt it for a second, old boy.
So, shall we arrange another deal?
- Well, I'll be mad not to. - Yes, you would.
- Damn it. - (Sean) What?
Erm, left the car on a meter, need to top it up.
Oh, leave it. It's not as though you can't afford the fine, eh?
It's not the fine. They clamp the bloody thing. Takes all day to get it back.
- I'm off for the weekend. - Yeah.
I'll be back in a jiff.
You do realise he's just walked out of the door with two million pounds?
Stay calm, stay calm.
The game has a way to go yet. Let's get a drink.
Oh, dear God.
OK, let's go.
About time.
Ah! Mickey Bricks.
As I live and breathe. Remember me?
- Should I? - Yeah.
Spider's Web, half a million quid, my painting.
Carlton. That's right.
Carlton and Harry, if I'm not mistaken.
- How are you, Harry? - Very well, thank you.
- How are you? - Are you kidding me?
- Not interrupting anything, am I? - No, not really.
No, not in the middle of a business deal or anything?
You know, money laundering, that sort of thing.
- Good one. - Thanks.
Oh, look, there it is.
(Laughs)
He's working it out. Bless him.
Let me try and make it simple for you.
Explain things step by step.
Firstly, I've just stuffed you.
Stuffed you.
Seriously, Harry, what...
But you know what makes it even better?
Is I've done it for twice what you took me for.
Which makes me smarter than you.
Twice as smart, in fact.
(Laughs)
Oh, ho, ho.
This is good.
This is so good. Oh, yes!
You see, Stone,
this is my city.
Hell, it was built for people like me.
Big to match my ambition.
High so I could look down on all the little people.
So for you to think that you, a petty, little crook...
could come into my city and con me out of my money and get away with it?
No.
Well, let's say it'll take a better man than you.
So I think you'll find that that is game, set...
and match.
Finished?
What?
I was just asking if you had finished.
No, not really. Thought I'd stay and gloat for most of the afternoon.
- About what exactly? - About what exa... Ha!
You're funny.
About the fact that I've won.
I've beaten you.
Really?
Yeah, really.
Are you sure?
How are you doing, guys?
All right. Good to see you.
Thank you.
What?
Why are you grinning?
I've got your money.
Why are you bloody grin... Why are they grinning?
Hey, I have got your money, you moron.
Alfie, what the hell are you doing here?
Bit of a prob, old son.
What do you mean, "Bit of a prob"? What the...
Wha...
- What's going on? - Let me make it simple for you.
Explain things, step by step.
Firstly, when you came up with your plan,
you had to find like-minded people, am I right?
Who else to deliver the bait than former marks?
But tell me, where did you find them, exactly?
- Oh, I'll be damned. - What is it?
Look.
You told me you found them through extensive bloody research!
I did.
And an ad in the Telegraph.
What?
So, we thought we would join the party.
Good evening, all. Thanks for coming.
I've got a little job for ya.
(Mobile ringing)
- Hello. - Is that Harry Fielding?
Speaking.
Harry Fielding.
Hi, I'm phoning about the ad that you placed.
Yes. Olympic Committee, swampland.
Sounds like our man.
Have you been conned?
Mate, he sold me the Sydney bloody Opera House.
(Laughs)
You were kind enough to tell them what you were planning.
They've recruited an old school friend of Wood's to play the mark,
Alfred Baron.
Baron is a penniless aristocrat.
But the story they're gonna tell is that he's just come into a huge inheritance
of four million pounds.
No, no, wait. Wait!
You all gave me a million pounds.
Actually, we all wrote you a cheque.
- Which shows up on your bank statement. - Until they bounce.
No. But...
You had the bloody money!
Ah.
All done. Just have to drop this off, we can be on our way.
Why don't you pop it in the boot?
(Car horn)
(Alfie) Justin. Hello.
Listen, chaps, I only have a couple of hours. I've got a filly in the starting blocks.
Oh, yeah?
(Alfie) Redhead. Never had a ginger before but I hear they're very hot-blooded.
I say.
You look good enough to eat.
Well, maybe we should stick to the menu. Avoid upsetting the other diners.
Top drawer.
Nice baps and a sense of humour.
Outstanding. Shampoo?
Hmm.
"Ah", what?
No, no, no, no, no.
No. You bloody idiot!
And you...
You are such an arse!
Why am I surrounded by such bloody idiots?
Fortunately, I don't have that problem.
"Fortunately, I don't have that..." Bully for you!
- Arse! - Carlton, Carlton, Carlton.
What can I say?
Nice try. But like the man said...
No cigar.
Ho, ho. Oh. No.
No! Not again!
Arse.
- One question? - Yeah, be my guest.
You had my million yesterday. Why keep up the pretence?
Why not cut and run when you had it?
And miss this?
(Laughs)
Still not 100% with what's going on.
Do you have a sister?
Red hair and drives a sports car?
- Yeah, that's the jobbie. - I'll give her your love.
Outstanding.
(They laugh)
Arse!
To us.
- Bournemouth? - There's nothing wrong with Bournemouth.
- Nah, seven miles of golden beach. - Mini golf.
- Ice cream and hot dogs. - The English Riviera.
I don't want to go to bleeding Bournemouth.
- That's where we're going. - Eddie, are you sure?
- What about Kuala Lumpur? Thailand? - It's too hot.
Are you... Are you sure you're not gonna come with us?
No, I'm not. I'm gonna get a flight to Spain.
- You're welcome to come. - No, I want to get a tan.
- Can't go on holiday without getting a tan. - OK.
(Sean) Suit yourself.
- Bring us back a donkey. - Yeah, a donkey.
Don't you think that was a bit too mean?
Why?
For starters you could've told him we were going to Bournemouth to pick up the yacht.
Hmm, true.
But then we'd have had to tell him about sailing to France.
Before the two weeks in Monaco.
- Flying to Barbados. - Oh, his little face, though...
He had his chance, we told him he could come with us.
- He could have. - No, you should have told him the truth.
We're grifters, he should know better by now.
If Eddie really wanted to spend time with us, he could have done that in Bournemouth.
What he really wanted was a free holiday.
And as con men and women of good standing,
it is our duty to take someone who wants something for nothing.
- And give them nothing for something. - So what was the something?
- I booked this on his credit card. - Oh.
- I love this job. - (Laughs)
(Sean) Oi, driver. Let's turn the music up.
ENGLISH SDH